Things I’m scared of now that I’m 14 weeks pregnant

There are plenty of things I anticipated being nervous about when I found out I was pregnant.  I knew I would need to be careful about eating healthy, staying out of fist fights, and try not to scoot into my work desk with too much conviction.

But dude, whoa, if I thought I’d be nervous (and excited!  Don’t get me wrong!) before getting pregnant I had no idea what was coming next.  In case it brings a chuckle to anyone or, if you’re like me, a sigh of relief that I’m not the only one scared to sneeze now, here’s a sampling:

Sneezing, as mentioned

Coughing

Laughing too hard

Hiccups

Bending over at any angle, whether sitting or standing

Jumping without being ready to sink completely to the floor in an effort to absorb the impact of my landing (the jiggle is even more intense with even a small belly)

Eating things that are spicy

Moving a bowel which too much vigor (sorry, TMI but totally true)

Flatulence (mine now especially…if you thought babies were stinky…)

Going over bumps in the car

Putting on a seat belt

Not putting on a seatbelt

Sudden stops in the car

Really anything involving vehicles

Stepping off of curbs too ferociously

Sitting down too hard in a comfy chair

Rolling over from my back to my side

Rolling over from my side to my back

Laying on my right side at all (which is apparently not as good for you as laying on your left side but WHO CAN TAKE SUCH A RISK?)

Hugging people too hard (but really hugging in general…that is something I brought along from my non-pregnant self)

Wearing stretchy pants with too-tight elastic that can’t be pulled up over the bump, camel toe be damned

Sex that isn’t very slow and boring

Being within one square mile of someone who has smoked a cigarette in the past hour

Holding my laptop on my lap

Standing too close to microwaves, whether they’re being used or not

Standing too close to the bathroom counter while brushing my teeth/putting on makeup/washing my hands because what if there’s an earthquake and I’m pitched into the counter!  Sharp edge!

This feels crazy, but it is true.  It isn’t as though I’m walking around every waking moment worrying about the world around me – there are bigger fish to fry (Equal pay for equal work!  Student debt!  The environment!  Donald Trump!) but I guess I’m just starting to come into the realization most parents have.  You begin to love something with a strength you couldn’t have even imagined in a way that makes you nervous about anything that could possibly cause it discomfort, let alone harm.  I know, I know – babies have made it through living in caves and rolling through filthy surroundings (and sadly they still do) – but hey.  When you’re told that sleeping on the incorrect side could have scary health implications for your baby, you go a little nuts.

Seriously, I apologized to the fetus when I bent over to plug my computer in.  Because of bending over.  I apologized out loud.

I’m hoping this doesn’t translate into helicopter parenting…I have set my sights on creating structure but with tons of freedom.  I was allowed to break a few limbs and get some splinters and am no worse for it.  Eli thinks I’m bonkers, but then he is always very insistent about drinking enough water on airplanes and getting up to stretch for bathroom breaks.  Maybe we’re both bonkers together 🙂

Am I alone in this?  Is anyone else a little freaked?

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